I Never Told God to Make Me Gay! God is the potter.

It's not like I woke up and said hey God make me gay. No I just was and am. It's not like I didn't begg to be completely straight.I wept many bitter days, years. I was so angry once with him that I became an atheist again. But this time it didn't last years but a month since I now had the holyspirt but was just rejecting it. So I just couldn't stay mad at him and the scriptures kept resounding in my inner being which was the holyspirit. I remember where he spoke of the clay and  when where it says something along the line of "will he speak out against God and ask why was he made in such a way.He is after all the Potter."Well I acknowledged God did not want to change me, if he did he could have or would have and could still if he willed. However even if he did make me straight I would not condemn homosexuals because after all I would have been in that place. But it hasn't happened and well my desires for other men are still there. The other thing is if I had sexual desire for the other sex what would be the point I will sin by just lusting after a woman the goal was to be perfect and sinless. So yes I prayed that he either making me straight or just no desire for sex at all. Many years have passed an no change I still have the same desires, and I remember he is the potter and he is merciful with us. He is forgiving to our faults. My sin is more of lusting after men in my heart which Jesus never talked about but I would say that it is the same as adultery but in case of man with man is homosexuality because its done in the heart but I never really have sex with men.So yea I am always under his grace and trying not to fall from grace and condemn myself or other for what God has put in our hearts. So yes lots of struggle with God but he has mercy on whom he will have mercy and compassion on whom he wills. Gladly he has mercy on me and is compassionate to me no matter my sins. I believe in him because he created me to believe in him, I was his chosen before the foundations of the world. I guess if anyone condemn me for my homosexuality they are wrong to do so because God justifies me and he is my advocate.