Behind The Poems am I

Behind words of light am I. Who am I? I am a person who loves to loves all of God's creation. I find amazement in all things. I see the potter and the clay. I've seen the potter's work. But God like a potter does something that I find truly amazing, it leaves me in awe, it makes me fear, because he is one of a kind. He builds pottery to be honored, and the thing that makes God a unique potter is he also makes pottery for dishonor. Yes you heard it he builds to destroy some things and some things he builds to look pretty and have a nice place.
Now who are we as pottery to tell God he did something wrong in us? So I in my ignorance when young argued with him daily asking him why. I am not the most beautiful thing, and I never considered myself charming, though they are people who say I am a good looking guy, I simply don't see that in me. So I asked God in my teens why did he make me ugly. Yes its how I saw myself, an abomination. I hated myself and pleaded to God to take my life. But every time I argued with him in my prayers I thought of Paul's words "No but, O man, who are you that reply against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why have you made me thus?"romans 9:20 So I lost constantly when I prayed so much so that I only hated myself more and wept. I called myself a coward for not being able to kill myself so I beat myself,scratched myself to summon the courage to end my life but it all failed.So I would cry to God and ask him why he made me gay. So I hated that about myself beside my abominable acne filled face. I hated my being, it was such a hate that death was the only way to remove that feeling, so I thought to myself 'maybe God hates me so much he wants me to live and suffer' So I said than let that be done according to his will. So everyday I wept cried to him, and proceeded the ritual of my self hatred,except my prayers started changing it was not to kill me anymore but to bless me. After so long of weeping and praying I finally realized that God's tone had changed with me. It was no longer hatred but love. His words started to feel soothing. It was trusting him that had made this new me. I no longer asked why, but said I trust you. I trust him that he knew what he was doing in my life. That he was suffering me for a reason. So I came to discover the story of Job and see it playing in my life. It wasn't easy being abandoned by my mother when I was a teen, but with the help of God I got through it. So my advice to teens is trust God he can be your friend, he might seem like an enemy but he is truly a friend it is just the way we have been treated that makes us think he will be like everyone else. He is trustworthy and a real blessing. We now have his spirit thanks to giving us his son Jesus to die for us so we can be alive forever. b y e Muah